Can You Tell Me How to Get to Sesame Street?

No.  After all these years, I still can't.

But I CAN tell you where to find all Brooklyn updates for the near future...come on over HERE.

We are THRILLED to be partnering with COTA, and during that partnership, all things Brooklyn will be over there and all things Brooklyn-free will be over here.  (You'll see a little Rhet in both places--and if you know Rhet in person, you know she is usually all over the place.)

(Yeah, I know.  Cya never, right?)  ;)

I do love writing and musing and sharing things I like.  That will all still happen here.

Until next time...

The 12 Weeks of Summer (Otherwise Known as: The Summer Everything and Nothing Changed)

By the 12th week of summer, my true love gave to me:

One new old house in midtown

Two AC unit repairs (including a brand new unit for one of them!)

Three fridge failures (still working on resolving that one--but it's under warranty!  Whew!)

Four family members heading to Chicago for a fake vacation this coming weekend/week.  (Brooklyn's next GI clinic checkup is next week, and since we haven't been able to stray too far from Chicago or out of phone range this summer in the event that we might get the call we've been waiting for, we figured if you can't beat 'em, join 'em...)

Five years old and ready to start Kindergarten in eleven days--that's Rhet!

And a partridge in a pear tree...and by partridge, I mean Brooklyn...and by pear tree, I mean a new diagnosis.

I'll expand on that one...
(And it's going to be long, sorry about that.  I owe you a long post!)

Back in May, Brooklyn and I made a quick 24-hr trip to Chicago for her GI clinic checkup.  While we we were there, they took labs, checked her out, and issued her a new PELD score.  To refresh your memory, the PELD score stands for Pediatric End-Stage Liver Disease.  The transplant list isn't a "waiting list" where the person at the top of the list gets a liver and you move up in line and take your turn.  Instead, your PELD score ranks your "priority."  The higher the number (up to 40), the higher your priority over lower numbers.  There are more factors involved when a liver becomes available, such as your blood type or whether the liver is a good "match" for your body, but the PELD gives you first dibs.  We've been on the list for 6 months, sittin pretty in the lower middle.  Someone could be listed today and jump to the top.  It all depends on your PELD score.

Brooklyn started out in February with a PELD of 13.  Her bilirubin (one of the numbers involved in determining her PELD score) had risen by the time we came in March/April for her hernia surgery--it had been steadily, almost rapidly rising at times since we had seen her first labs back in October.  Then, something strange happened in May.  For the first time, her bilirubin had dropped.  It was enough to make her PELD score drop, although the change wasn't significant.  They gave her a new PELD score of 12.

(They are required to re-PELD every 3 months.  We get labs done every 6 weeks--if the numbers are significantly worse, they will request a new ["better"/worse] PELD score.  If the labs numbers are the same or better, they just wait it out until they get worse or until they are required to re-score.)

So I came home in May a little bummed.  Why had we rushed with all that lightning speed back in the fall only to be sitting around six months later, stable and waiting?  Liver failure is so weird.  Compared to you or me, Brooklyn is a very sick little girl.  Compared to other kiddos in liver failure, she's not sick enough to take top priority.  It feels so strange to be hoping for a "better"/worse score.  Like, if she's going to be very sick, let's be very very sick really quickly for as short a time as possible so that she can get her transplant and be healed!  I know, this transplant world is so weird.

The doctors had also talked to me about something else.  They were questioning her biliary atresia diagnosis.  They wanted to take extra labs to do some genetic testing for a rare condition called Alagille Syndrome.  When they had done a CT scan immediately after her hernia surgery, they had found some abnormalities that had peaked their interest.  They would send in the genetic test and wait for the results--if it came back positive, that gave some answers.  If it came back negative, it didn't necessarily rule out the new diagnosis--the genetic test only tested certain markers.

I felt fear and discouragement when we arrived home in Memphis...what if this changed everything?  What if a whole new can of worms or just a new can of uncertainty was opening?  And Googling Alagille Syndrome (which is what every smart person should do when faced with a new diagnosis, right?) only made me feel worse.  Biliary atresia is congenital, meaning Brooklyn was born with it--it wasn't passed on to her and she wouldn't pass it on.  But Alagille Syndrome is a genetic disease...it would change the story about what had been and what will be...

A week later, Rhet finished up preschool, we moved to our new house, and we had plenty on our minds to keep us busy for awhile.  (Including Brooklyn's 6-month post-placement report...can you believe she has been home for HALF A YEAR?!  I am in awe.  And 2015 is and always will be a blur.)

In July, the results of the test came back.  Brooklyn tested positive for Alagille Syndrome.  They were officially dropping biliary atresia from her diagnosis and changing it to ALGS.

It changed everything, but it also changed nothing.

Alagille Syndrome can include other complications--some children's symptoms are so severe that they are inoperable or need multiple organ transplants.  Because Brooklyn had already received a heart echo, an abdominal ultrasound, and a CT scan as part of her transplant evaluation, the doctors had already determined that she had no additional complications.  Her kidneys and heart look fine, and this condition is not degenerative, meaning these complications won't arise later in life.  Her symptoms/presentation for ALGS include: some narrowing in her vascular system (not enough to cause heart complications), a few of her vertebrae are butterfly-shaped (super weird, but that is one of the symptoms), she has a broad forehead and triangular face shape (common in ALGS patients), she is small for her age (we had always attributed this to liver failure, but because she has ALGS, she will probably always be teeny tiny for her age), and of course, the bile flow in her liver is decreased/blocked.  The only symptom needing correction is the liver failure, which can be fixed with transplantation.

So, things are different, but not really.  She has a new diagnosis, but her current condition of health, the way they'll monitor it, and the way to fix it are essentially all the same.  It was all earth-moving and anticlimactic at the same time, if that makes sense.

The Alagille diagnosis clicked a puzzle piece in place.  We may never have known if she had biliary atresia--her liver is too damaged to tell with a biopsy or during transplant at this point.  But with a positive genetic test result, that mystery has been solved.  We know definitively what has caused the liver failure.  And we also know why we're sitting around in July without the same rate of rapid decline that was happening October - February.  Alagille Syndrome patients have no anticipated rhythm or pattern to their liver failure.  While biliary atresia patients tend to decline steadily and/or rapidly at different times, ALGS patients can plateau, decline steadily, plateau, decline rapidly, etc all at varying times and speeds.  This plateau that Brooklyn seemed to have hit this past spring was just that.  And it explains why she had seemed to be declining so rapidly in the fall--because she was.  She is still in liver failure and still needs a transplant, but her decline has transitioned into a period of stability for an unknown length of time.  (It won't be years, though--her body wouldn't be able to sustain that--it will be more like an unknown period of months.)  At some point, the decline will pick up again...steadily or rapidly, we can only wait and see.

So, that's the latest.  And we're about to have more of the latest after our next GI clinic next Tuesday.

Please pray for our family as we continue to deal with change and transition in many areas.

Pray for our trip to Chicago, that we can experience sweet time together as a family--we are really thirsting for some happy memories to be made with all four of us together.

Pray for Rhet's first day of Kindergarten!  I want her to feel brave and joyful and confident.  Actually, I want to feel that way too.  ;)

Pray for Brooklyn's liver...and for her new liver, however and whenever we will receive it.  It is a terrible thing to be waiting on that life-saving gift.  Honestly, I have trouble wrapping my mind around it and have to push that part away from my thoughts most days.

Pray for God to prepare our hearts and schedules and finances and physical endurance/health for liver transplant time, whenever it will be.

And thank you, friends.  We couldn't do this life without you.  We have chosen to follow the Lord in faith, and you have lifted us up and encouraged us every step of the way, even as we've felt tired and discouraged.  God is for us!  He is with us!  And He is using you to remind us...

Goodbye, Hello

We will call this place our home,
The dirt in which our roots may grow.
Though the storms will push and pull,
We will call this place our home.

We’ll tell our stories on these walls.
Every year, measure how tall.
And just like a work of art,
We’ll tell our stories on these walls.

Let the years we’re here be kind, be kind.
Let our hearts, like doors, open wide, open wide.
Settle our bones like wood over time, over time.
Give us bread, give us salt, give us wine.

A little broken, a little new.
We are the impact and the glue.
Capable of more than we know,
We call this fixer upper home.

With each year, our color fades.
Slowly, our paint chips away.
But we will find the strength
And the nerve it takes
To repaint and repaint and repaint every day.

Let the years we’re here be kind, be kind.
Let our hearts, like doors, open wide, open wide.
Settle our bones like wood over time, over time.
Give us bread, give us salt, give us wine.
Let the years we’re here be kind, be kind.
Let our hearts, like doors, open wide, open wide.
Settle our bones like wood over time, over time.
Give us bread, give us salt, give us wine.
Give us bread, give us salt, give us wine.

Smaller than dust on this map
Lies the greatest thing we have:
The dirt in which our roots may grow
And the right to call it home.

- "North" // Sleeping at Last

At the end of May, we said goodbye to our little house on Saint Nick.  It was the house where I began adulthood, where I began this blog!  It was the house I brought a husband home to, we brought our first baby home to, we brought our second baby home to.  So many happy memories made and lessons learned there.

And we began a new chapter in a different part of our same great city.  We love our new house, with its old bones and history and new paint and wide open spaces.  We love living in midtown with all its great food and its proximity to many of our favorite places.  We love a fresh start, with promise and hope and blank pages.

We've been "cracking the spine" of this new book this past month.  Turning the first page.  Thanks for being patient as we deal with the boxes and stress and change and newness.  (Because we all know "turning the first page" is a pretty way of saying you're unpacking box after box and figuring out what tripped the breaker for the air conditioner and eating boxed macaroni & cheese until you figure out how to afford curtains for every room! [laugh/cry emoji])

We're still waiting waiting waiting on that ever-important call.  I'll post more about Brooklyn soon.  In the meantime, thanks for your continued prayers for Brooklyn and this crazy 2015!

Photo courtesy of the one-and-only Stephen Jerkins

Those Sweet Cheeks

I'm interrupting the crazy stories of how God worked to write a little "everyday" post of what life is like on a daily basis with sweet B.  Hoping I can satisfy some curiosity as well as educate a little on how best to pray for us and treat Brooklyn when you see us out and about.

First, I can't remember if I ever told you what "biliary atresia" is!  So for those of you who haven't asked Google yet, my most simple explanation is this: Everyone has ducts that lead from the liver to the small intestine.  The liver produces bile, and the ducts remove it from the liver and dump it into the small intestine.  This is what makes your poop brown.  (Gross, I know, but now you have your fun poop fact for the day!  I know you needed one of those, right?)  A person with biliary atresia (BILL-ee-airy uh-TREE-shuh) was born with ducts that are blocked, so the bile can't make it out of the liver.  Bile is toxic and causes liver damage and ultimately liver failure.  Sometimes a surgery called the "Kasai procedure" can be done, which reroutes the flow of bile and extends the life of the liver, but it needs to be done early enough in life (by 3 months old) to keep the liver from sustaining significant damage.  Without a successful Kasai procedure, a child cannot typically live past the age of 2 years old with biliary atresia.

So, there's my non-medical and probably not 100% accurate explanation.  But now you know.  {Cue shooting star with rainbow.}  In terms of Brooklyn's little body, she was given the Kasai procedure at around 4 months old, which is too late.  Her liver was already damaged and thus the older she got, the more that liver started shutting down.  We found out about her when she was 9 months old.  She weighed 10 lbs.  (The liver processes certain fat-soluble vitamins like A, D, E, & K, and they're needed for proper nutrition.  Since children with liver damage/failure cannot process those vitamins, they often have trouble putting on weight and getting the proper nutrition to help their little bodies grow.)  She had a big "buddha belly," caused by acites (ah-SITE-ees, which means there is fluid in her belly as a complication of liver failure), but her chest, arms/hands, legs/feet, and little booty were so, so tiny.  The doctors in China gave her a 50% chance of living 4-6 months.

PS: We are now at 6 months from that original prognosis!  {High five!}

Since October, Brooklyn has made it up to 15 lbs and grown 1 inch taller!  Yeah, girl!  And her development in all areas is just flourishing.  We're so proud of our Little Biscuit!  Lots of people (including us) are so surprised when they first meet Brooklyn, because she is tinier in person than she appears in pictures.  She has these sweet chubby cheeks and that big buddha belly, and they don't realize that her feet don't even fit in 3-6 month-size shoes!

(Her latest trick: saying "cheeeeeese!")

So, a day in the life with Brooklyn looks like this:

7-8a - She wakes up and we give her 3 vitamin supplements: a water-soluble combination of vitamins A, D, E, & K, a water-soluble version of vitamin D, and a water-soluble version of vitamin E.

When she first came home, she was gagging on pureed foods, but now she can feed herself finger foods and loves being fed with a fork or spoon.

More poop talk: B's poop is grey/white because it doesn't have bile in it.  Don't worry, it still stinks to high heaven.  ;)

9:30a - Brooklyn drinks a bottle of formula and usually takes a morning nap.
Normally, a 15-month old wouldn't still be drinking formula, but B drinks Pregestimil, which is specially formulated to be easier to digest for babies with fat-soluble digestion issues.  It's also $40/can at retail cost.  {Cha-ching!}  Totally worth it for the weight she's able to continue putting on!

11a - B wakes up, and we eat lunch and play.  She loves pulling up and cruising, she'll obsess over anything paper or plastic (or iPhone--ha), and she adores music.  (If she meets you, she will ask via hand motions if you know "The Itsy Bitsy Spider.")

1-2p - Time for another bottle and another nap!  I call the two-nap phase "nap jail" because you can only really get out of the house between those two naps.  But look at all the napping, uh I mean blogging, oops I mean housework I can get done!

2:30-4p -B wakes up and it's time for more playing!  We usually go pick up Rhet from school around this time.

5p - Dinner time for everyone--Brooklyn eats little bites of what everyone else is having.  Plus Annie's Cheddar Bunnies: her one true love.  ;)

6p- Brooklyn loves splashing in the water at bathtime.  She drinks one more bottle before going to bed around 7p.  I usually give her Benadryl, because hightened amounts of bilirubin (a result of bile) in the blood make your skin jaundiced (as you can see) and itchy.  (B's bili level is up to 23.  A normal level is 0.)  Especially when she's tired, Brooklyn scratches and scratches, and she will often scratch herself so much that she starts bleeding somewhere.  The Benadryl often helps alleviate some of the itchiness.  And thank you Old Navy, for making the only pj's B wears these days because the sleeves fold over and cover her hands in her little 6-9 month jammies!

10:30p - We wake B up to drink a bottle right before we go to bed.

2-4p - On a "good" night, B usually only wakes us up once to drink a bottle in the middle of the night.  (When we first came home, we were on "ever hour/every 2 hours" duty.  {Zzzzzzz})

Also, every minute of every day, have our phone turned on and nearby, because once we get "the call," we'll drop everything and follow our "Liver Call List."  We have an hour to return the call if we miss it, and we have 24 hours to get there after we receive it.

After transplant, Brooklyn will be in-patient at the hospital for about 2 weeks (barring complications) and then we'll stay in the Chicago area for another 2 weeks (totaling a month) so they can keep an eye on her.  Then, we'll come back every week for a month for check-ups, then every other week for a couple months, and then eventually once a month until we reach the one year anniversary of the transplant.  So far, we love Chicago, and we love Lurie, so we hope it stays that way!

One more thing: before transplant, we have to be diligent to keep Brooklyn from getting sick, because she can't be cleared for surgery if she is.  (And because transplants are so time-sensitive, that could cost us a liver!)  Post-transplant, she'll be on immune-supressing medications to keep her body from rejecting her liver, so it will be very very easy for her to catch illness.  That being said, we are being trying to be super vigilant about not exposing her to illness and germs (short of putting her in a bubble).  EVERYONE wants to touch those sweet cheeks of hers, but we're asking everyone (kids AND adults) not to touch her face or tiny little hands.  Thanks for using your super-human willpower!  (Because you guys, she's just so dang adorable!)

Thanks for praying for her and for us.  God is so good to us, and we are enjoying this sweet post-home/pre-liver time to grow our attachments nice and strong.  :)

Home Again Home Again Jiggity Jig

Hello from the land of bottles, bibs, and baby babbles!  Over here on the blog, no news has been good news--in the true fashion of this adoption process, we received last minute travel approval to go get Brooklyn, and we jumped on a plane 2 days later.  Fifteen days later, we returned to Memphis with our new daughter!

The past couple of weeks have been a blur of transition, but I'm ready to tell the story God has been writing about His glory and His great love for Brooklyn.

First things first, though, because I know you guys are wanting an update.  Here it is, in bullet points:

- We were able to get Brooklyn in to see our GI Team in Memphis a day and a half after returning from China.  Her blood labs returned with some good (normal) numbers and some pretty bad numbers.  We expected this, so there were no surprises there.  She is in liver failure, she does need a transplant, but her health for the time being is stable.

- Later that first week we were home, we got some news that initially disappointed us: our health insurance will not cover a transplant here in Memphis.  They require that we go elsewhere to a designated "center of excellence," which are centers that meet a certain criteria set by the insurance company (including number of transplants done per year, success rates, cost effectiveness, etc.).  While we were still dealing with our first week home and jet-lagging, this news was a little overwhelming to take in.  The closest center of excellence to us does not have any direct flights to it, and it takes about 5 hours of driving time.  But we started looking at the list of approved centers for pediatric liver transplants, and we realized something that changed our perspective: yes, traveling elsewhere is inconvenient and uncomfortable, but we have the change to CHOOSE where our child will receive care.  And we had some great choices as far as programs go.  So, we looked at that list with new eyes, pitting programs against each other, looking at success rates & wait times, and considering national rankings.  We chose Lurie Children's Hospital of Chicago--they have relatively inexpensive and short direct flights from Memphis, they are ranked #2 in the nation for GI/GI surgery, and most providentially, Chicago is the home of a very special person to us--the woman who found Brooklyn in her orphanage and advocated for her, which led to our agency working to complete her file and find a family for her, and you mostly know the rest of that story!  ;)  Another friend who just took the enormous burden of fundraising off of our plates lives just 2 hours away from Chicago.  Between the two of them, they have an army of friends who have already supported us financially and in prayer.  We are confident (and oh-so-humbled!) that we will be well taken care of in Chicago.  (Also, you may remember my fun little tag-along trip with Nick to Chicago back in June--I fell in love with the place and had a lot of fun exploring with the trains and buses.)

- We're set up for an evaluation next Tuesday (February 17th) at Lurie, after which Brooklyn will be placed on the transplant list.  More to come about what all of that will involve.

- Our family transition has been fun, hard, joy-filled, frustrating, lots of work, and completely covered with help and prayers from people we love.  (THANK YOU, Team Brooklyn!!!)

Many people have asked how they can help, so here are some immediate needs:
- Formula!  Brooklyn's liver can't process the some of the nutrients in regular formula, so we are feeding her special formula called Pregestimil.  You can order it online through Amazon, Walmart, Walgreens, etc or I can also order it through my local pharmacy.  It ranges in price from $28-38 per 1 lb can, and we go through 1 can every three days or so.  (Cha-ching!!)  We would be SO grateful, if you want to send us formula or a gift card to help us purchase it!

- My friend Elizabeth set up a Meal List for us, and your food has been manna from heaven!  I can't tell you how awesome it is not to have to worry about grocery shopping and cooking as we deal with transitioning and getting our medical help lined up!  Several friends from out of town even signed up, and have told us they'll have something delivered.  (In the process, I found this nifty meal delivery service that will deliver from several restaurants in our area!)

- Giftcards to Target--we're still making those "oh, I forgot we would need that for a baby" trips.  :)

- Cash to help with our many trips to Chicago this year!  We're keeping the Razoo site open for now to help with medical costs, but we may switch over to something more medically related in the future.

- Diapers are always welcomed--Little Biscuit is currently a size 2, and we've been using Pampers Swaddlers.  (We also like Pampers Cruisers once she's big enough, but her little 14-lb self is so teeny that they don't sell them in her size yet!)

- We are good on clothes for a bit, although I know it is so much fun to shop for baby girls!  (In fact it is so much fun, I like to do the shopping!  Old Navy, Baby Gap, Target, and Carter's are our favorites for little girl clothes.)

We are so, so thankful for all of your prayers and well-wishes.  I can't even begin to tell you how much God has done and used you to do, but I'm going to attempt to tell the story of His provision and power over the next few weeks during naptimes!  

GodSpeed

Four weeks ago, we officially decided to pursue Brooklyn's adoption.

Every yes that led us to that decision kept leading us to more and more yeses.  And then picture a dam crumbling and flooding us with the blessing and yeses and provision and presence of God after that big yes.

In four weeks, we have completed the home study and dossier.  (For frame of reference, that took four MONTHS with Rhet, and I had thought we were being speedy!)

There have been so, SO many answered prayers and God-instances in this four-week journey.  The Lord has truly THROWN open the doors to get us to our girl.

And then I was given a humbling reminder...

This past weekend, we had a series of events that had the appearance of everything unraveling.  We'd had some rooms painted last week and the painter took a day longer than agreed.  All the furniture was in the middle of the floor on the morning of our home visit.  The TV wall mount wouldn't work as planned.  One of our vehicles surprised us by refusing to show any signs of life.  My last document for our dossier had been promised by Friday and had yet to show up.

We worked like crazy people getting the furniture back in place.  Friends came to help with the TV.  At least we still had one working vehicle.  And our needed document appeared in the mailbox. Home visit went smoothly.

But the TiVo.  It was not working.  I mean, eh, it wasn't a big deal, right?

But it just bugged me.  Here I am moving heaven and earth to get all of this paperwork finished and we can't get the TiVo working.  So I did what anyone used to being on a mission would do: I put all of my adoption paperwork fervor into this one small task of getting the TiVo up and running.

But wait, it turned out the hard drive had crashed.  We can work with that--I found out how to replace the unit inexpensively and ran right out and purchased a new unit.  But wait, TiVo didn't want to honor our past subscription price.  Well, I worked something out with the customer service reps.  But wait, when we pulled the new unit out of the box, we realized we didn't have a way to hook it up.  (Our HDMI port is "burnt out" on our TV.)  Ok, I'll find a way to convert it to the ports we can use.  But wait, the promised conversion box was not in stock at the store.  But wait, I'll try another store.  No luck there either.  But wait, here's a different port that may work--let's try it.  But wait, it needs an extra cord.  That can be fixed by yet another store run.  But wait, they don't carry that specific cord.  I reached the end of the night with nothing fixed.

And as I laid my head on the pillow, I sensed the Lord reminding me:
Hey Jesse?  I am the one moving heaven and earth to get all of this paperwork finished.  If you want to keep working out of your OWN efforts, they will all end up like this TiVo.

BOOM.  He was so right.

And lo and behold, we hit a snag with the final home study completion this week.  Something that threatened a long delay.  And I wrung my hands and stressed and blamed last night.  And God is already fixing it.  (You can pray about that, by the way!)

Getting to Brooklyn is not by our OWN efforts and in our OWN speed.  It is all Him, my friends.

Please pray for our immigration clearance and dossier authorization, which are the next steps after this home study gets signed off.

My mom sent me this quote last night, and you can pray this over us as well:
"When I feel anxiety begin to rise up in me, it helps to hold an empty bowl--a reminder that my soul is made to receive from God rather than achieve for God."  (Emily Freeman)

Oh, and our dead vehicle was raised to life yesterday.  Costly repairs?  Naaaahhhh.  Just a dud battery that had been installed last month.  Under warranty, of course.  Grace upon grace upon grace...

Via Brim Papery (and hanging on our freshly painted wall!)

The Someone is Us: A "Big News" Post

A couple of weeks ago, we were just minding our own business.  Living normal life.  And then things changed.

They changed on an evening when we saw a picture of a little girl.  And we were faced with a decision: between wishing someone would do something and doing it.  

We wrestled.  We prayed.  And we decided.

WE ARE ADOPTING AGAIN!  

Meet Brooklyn Faris!  She is 10 months old in China.  She has a condition called biliary atresia, where the ducts that carry bile from the liver to the small intestine are blocked and damage the liver.  She is currently in liver failure and needs a liver transplant ASAP.

We found her through a good friend who had just seen a post about her on a China Waiting Child Advocacy Facebook group.  There were many inquiries and comments.  Maybe someone will adopt her, we hoped.  Maybe the someone is us, we wondered.

We prayed and discussed and prayed some more.  It's not like this is terrible timing...we were planning on adopting in the next year.  It's just, we hadn't planned on this.  And it was out of "order"--we were looking for a house to buy first.  We haven't saved at ALL or planned a bit yet!  And...it's just plain scary.  We we were afraid of big things: What if we can't get her home in time?  How will this affect Rhet or change us as a family or as parents?  We were afraid of small things: How will we pay for all of it?  What will the transition be like from one kiddo to two?  Where can we put her in this little ole house?  But still, the wondering lingered...

Maybe the someone is us.

It weighed heavier and heavier on our hearts.  We talked about it daily.  We started gathering information "just in case" we said yes.  We weren't putting the cart before the horse.  We were just...getting ready.  Just in case.  And the doors were opening, opening, opening...

Maybe the someone is us.

We had one of our nightly long conversations about the possibility of pursuing the adoption last week.  We each shared feelings and thoughts of fear that were holding us back.  We prayed together, for specific things, for specific direction, for specific leading from the Lord.  It was a big prayer...a vulnerable prayer.

I checked Facebook 30 minutes later, and there was a message from a stranger on my phone.  She was writing to tell us that our names had been shared with her, and she wanted us to know she was praying for us.  And we could not finish reading her message without breaking down in tears, because her words were direct responses and echoes of the prayer we had just offered half an hour before.  We sat there reading her message, and we knew.

We knew that the someone is us.

Pursuing adoption often means walking into the fear, pushing into the hard places, following God into the dark. We don't know how Brooklyn's story will unfold--our fears persist about how it might...but we do know that she deserves a family that loves her, that will fight to get to her, that will push through the hard for her. Every child deserves a family who will do that. We could spend our lives wondering if anyone will, or we can make bold choices to follow the Lord wherever He leads.

We are working lightning fast to start and finish a home study and dossier in a month's time.  We are trusting God to provide each expense and fee as it presents itself.  We have stepped off the cliff.

This will be a medically expedited case--the faster we can get B home, the better.

We need your help!  Please lift Brooklyn up in prayer constantly.  We confidently believe God will move mountains to sustain her health and to get her home.  (Home!!! :) )  Please pray for us, that the Holy Spirit will continue to give us His peace to move boldly with faith.  We'll let you know soon some other ways you can help.  We're all in this together, friends.

The someone is us!

JK

Am I the only one with a regular technology conundrum?  I rarely use our laptop and almost NEVER use our desktop computer now that the trifecta of motherhood, i-devices, and the absence of sitting in an office are in my life.  It's amusing to me how many hours of my life USED to be spent in front of a computer screen compared with my present reality.  (This amusement is solely rooted in how I have lived two opposite lives, by the way, and not in any judgment towards those who spend their days at a desk.  Shoutout to myself circa 2005-2011!)

I live my entire life through my (now seemingly ancient) iPhone 4, and the two of us get along fine thankyouverymuch.  

Until I want to post on this blog.  All of my pictures are housed on the phone, but it takes a lot of thumb-power to type up a post on the Blogger app, not to mention my particular blog's quirky posting properties when pictures are involved.  (HTML editing is required on this thing any time I include a picture for some wonky reason.  Does this happen to anyone else??)

So, here we are.  I'm speed-typing along on our 9-year-old laptop and producing this photo-less post.  

So anyways, did you know I'm a preschool teacher now?  

It's a pretty sweet gig for a part-time job, although it IS a job.  I tried to trick myself into sliding into it last spring...you know, just do this little thing in the mornings for some extra money and it's only 8a-noon and I'll hardly notice the change, no big deal.  It'll just be stay-at-home-mom-life-as-usual with this little daily morning errand. 

Except it didn't really work like that.  Any scenario that requires me leaving my house with my child at 7:40am is going to be "noticed."  But we adjusted, and Rhet loves going to her new school (right down the hall from me!), and we love our new friends (grown-up and not), and it's a pretty good job as far as jobs go.

Rhet started Junior Kindergarten two weeks ago.  I really wish they didn't have to call it such a grown-up name.  "They" technically includes ME, because I am a teacher's aid in the other Jr K class.  I just think about it as JK, so it feels like "Just-Kidding-Kindergarten."  ;)  Little Girl is pretty much Big Girl now, and she cuts and glues and paints all on her own.  Four years old is really such a fun age to buddy around with.  We've fallen into a rhythm where we do our work/school in the morning, get our nap on after returning home, and then do a little play/craft time before it's time to start dinner.  

August has decided to finally gives us some summer weather, and I have to be honest in saying that I'm glad it happened after we went back to school.  Instead of figuring out something to do outside of our 900-sq-ft house that doesn't include melting, we spend our mornings in a centrally air-conditioned building.  So, thanks for that August.  

That Time We Went to Chicago

This whole end-of-spring, beginning-of-summer has been quite the whirlwind this year. Parts of it have been traumatic and parts of it have been gloriously fun & exciting. Let's stick to the fun & exciting for now, shall we?

{I have no idea where she picked up this phrase, but Rhet loves to make a proposal ending with "shall we?" It is the cutest thing ever. "Mom, let's go to the swings next, shall we?"}

Nick traveled to Chicago in June for work, and I was over the moon about tagging along (while my mom stayed with Rhet and our dog-child). I love to travel, and I actually relish spending time alone. I don't know if that's a newish "mom thing" or if I've always been this way. I've always thought of myself as an extrovert--I like to study & read with background noise, and I could be dead-tired but spark right back to life after stepping into a party or get-together. But then again, I have always enjoyed going places just to enjoy being alone among people, and I really only enjoy going to parties where I know people...I'm not a huge meet-a-bunch-of-strangers-for-a-good-time girl. Perhaps I'm just an extrovert who really enjoys acting introverted?  

So...the prospect of flying to a fun city and staying in a nice hotel with my love while exploring solo during the day was right down my alley. 

I prefer vacations to trips. Perhaps you thought they were the same thing? Definitely not, my friend.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Vacations are going somewhere and relaxing. Trips are going somewhere and going/doing. Visiting big cities are natural opportunities for "trips," but I do pretty well with turning anything (even naptime) into a vacation. So here, my friends, is how you take a VACATION in Chicago:

STEP ONE: 

Stay in bed as long as you want.

Yeah, sure, the city awaits. But "vacation mode" means you're never in a hurry. I could literally spend an entire day in a nice, cozy bed. R&R is NEVER wasted time. Particularly when you're sans parenthood responsibilities!

STEP TWO: 
Do relaxing things that are unique to your location. 

Might I suggest a professional blow-out at DryBar (to rejuvenate your travel-weary head and save you time by not having to do your hair for the rest of the weekend)...

...a (gloriously) quiet, leisurely stroll through the Art Institute of Chicago...

...reading a good book in a beautiful place, such as next to Buckingham Fountain...

...doing your sight-seeing from a boat...also, I can't get these awesome scalloped apartment buildings out of my head...

....don't eat out for every meal--stay in a swanky hotel (breakfast & hor d'oeuvres in the executive lounge!), buy some awesome snacks & good wine (in this case from Garrett's Popcorn and Trader Joe's) and eat lunch or dinner in your room while enjoying a movie or outdoors nearby with a picnic...

*Note: I vowed not to get a travel guide book of Chicago, because I knew it would suck me in and I'd end up at the mercy of it's "must see" list.  Instead, I did a little internet research the week before we left.  And I found this: a Chicago Top 10 list compiled by Ann Taylor LOFT, which proved invaluable for providing fun, casual stops on the way to my "must see" locations.  Do NOT buy the books if you're planning on a vacation, I'm serious.  They will lure you in with their CityPass economics and their "If you have one day" agendas.  I repeat: step AWAY from the travel section...!

STEP THREE: 

Treat yo'self. 

And while I just encouraged you not to eat out for every meal (it saves money and time), DO NOT waste an opportunity to eat something special you can't have in your own city.

Cupcakes for lunch? Sure! (While I'm mad about our fave local bakery, I do not have prejudices against famous delectable buttercream in copious amounts.)

Coffee and almond croissant for another lunch? Why not? (I love a short toffee nut latte with soy from the 'Bux as much as the next gal, but this Chicago coffee shop's java almost brought me to tears, it was that good.)

Jeni's Ice Cream for brunch was a given...and I won't judge you for going for a second round, because that's just what we did!

...other ideas, see further above: buy a new, fun shade of lipstick...definitely splurge on the jumbo sized Chicago mix popcorn...

STEP FOUR: 

Pick a small number of tourist "musts" and spread them out among your restful trip. 

This way you avoid a jam-packed, exhausting day. Nick was in conference meetings during most of our trip, but he had an afternoon here & a couple evenings there to spend with me. We picked a few things we wanted to do together, and I chose a few things to see on my own. Inevitably, there were things I/we didn't do/see that we could have, but I felt like we did just the right amount.

THIS TRIP'S "MUST" LIST:

- Watching the Navy Pier fireworks from the Buckingham Fountain show 

- Wendella Architecture Boat Tour (worth every penny!)

- Millenium Park + outdoor concert sound check (sound check = shorter and before dinner!)

- Chicago Pizza Oven Grinder Co. for pizza pot pies (SO good!!)
*Note: We only ate pizza once on purpose--you don't want to be rolling down the streets because you ate every deep dish pie you came across!  And for our one and done choice, I'd say we were spot on!

Oh, I had the best time exploring the Windy City. I came right home and promptly fell into obsession with this series: 

It has only fueled my desire to go back again! Next time, I'm going to make sure I climb ride the Ferris wheel and zipline from visit the top of the John Hancock building. ;)

Have I talked you into taking a vacation to a big city yet?  The best part about it, is you don't need a vacation when you get home!

The Year of the Dreamboat

Happy New Year, everyone!  I'm happy to say that I've emerged from this February fairly unscathed.  I was overjoyed to see the sunshine on many more days than usual last month, and it has left me feeling cheery and hopeful.

We just celebrated a FOURTH birthday at our house last week.  Age three truly blew my mind, because I just couldn't wrap my head around this little girl in our house--my one-and-a-half year old parenting skillz just weren't up to speed with preschool world.  I've joked around this past year that I just *know* that age four will be a dreamboat, and lo & behold, it's not half bad!  In a week's time, Rhet has learned how to ride her new balance bike, play tic-tac-toe with her Papa, write the word "MOM," and exercise a much larger amount of self-control than perhaps the entire past year combined.  I'm in awe.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

In honor of the EIGHTH anniversary of this blog, I am resolving to pick it back up and dust it off.  For real.

On one hand, I find it impossible to believe that there are nearly a decade of posts on this site.  My blog is mere days away from being a gangly, sweaty/stinky, front-teeth-missing, carefree eight-year-old!  How did she get so old??!  

On the other hand, I just went back and read my first two posts from May of 2005 in which I sound like a b.a.b.y.  Ahhh, the perspective of passage of time. 

Speaking of the passage of time, I have a tough time blogging about it lately because it seems to be happening at warp speed at my house.  Somehow I was sitting at Rhet's 3rd birthday dinner (which seems like yesterday, but was actually a couple of months ago in February) and burst into tears watching her birthday video with the realization that she is...GROWING UP!  In theory, I have no problem with Rhet growing up...I resist the "stay little" mantra of pop-motherhood...I want to cherish my child in all seasons of her life, and I want to look forward to the new joys of the next stage.  But...

But...these people are not messing with us when they say the time flies by.  They are not exaggerating by any means when they say "the days are long, but the years are short."  Boy, does it, and man oh man, are they.  

Rhet came home on the day she turned 17 months old.  It wasn't even two years ago, and somehow she's already 3, and I've been catapulted into the world of preschool registration and swimming lessons and "whywhywhywhywhy" slash "Rhet do that Rhet-self!"  The rapid change that occurs between 1.5 & 3 years old is breathtaking.  Literally.  

So that's what I've been doing...trying to catch my breath after finally packing away the tiny 18-24 month-sized dresses and bloomers and coaxing myself into deciding whether or not Rhet will do preschool/PDO next year.  

I'm trying to give myself grace with the whole parenting-learning-cuve, but preschool world requires a whole new skill set than was required of me in toddlerhood.  Planning things 6-9 months in advance.  Extracurricular options.  Some translation skills still required, but beyond that, knowledge regarding the answers to any number of "why" questions from personal to extraneous in subject.  The struggle of child with parent (me!) for autonomy and independence: this main theme running through my college major (Human Development & Family Studies) has officially happened to ME.  I don't know why, but I did not prepare for this new stage.  It snuck up on me.  I read a couple shelves of books on adoption, attachment, transracial adoption, international adoption, "What to Expect the First Year," "What to Expect the Toddler Years," but now?  Now I am scrambling like that HDFS college kid pulling an all-nighter, only it doesn't go down on paper anymore--it goes down in real life!

When Rhet was 1 and then 2, she was developmentally catching up.  She was a happy kid.  And I was a happy parent.  I was happy to let her explore and try things on her own.  For awhile, she was still so much like a baby to me--because she was "newborn" into my family, I guess.  Toddlerhood clung to her for awhile.  But it was like someone flipped the Preschooler switch about 6 months ago, and for some reason, I am morphing into control freak parent.  The stakes are higher, and she is aware of her behavior, and she is pushing, pushing, pushing.  Something about that just makes me pull, pull, pull back.  It's like a law of motherhood gravity.

I'm reading a really good book this week: Tim Keller's "Every Good Endeavor: Connecting Your Work to God's Work."  I wasn't sure if I'd connect with this book because my "work" is unpaid, untimed...essentially unmeasured.  I've been (naively) surprised how much I identify with the struggle of being a stay-at-home mom--I told Nick the first year that I felt like a huge cliche.  I am careful in the words I choose when discussing work with Rhet.  ("Daddy goes to work at his office.  Mommy works at home." Or, "Daddy's job is to help people at the hospital.  Mommy's job is to take care of you.")  I feel justifiably (though predictably) defensive of my right to call what I do "work."  

Luckily, Tim Keller calls my stay-at-home parenting work, and he writes that God acknowledges it as my work, too.  

I'm only about a third of the way in, but I've been struck in the first portion of the book of the mention of "work as cultivation."  Keller writes, 

"If we are to be God's image-bearers with regard to creation, then we will carry on his pattern of work.  His world is not hostile, so that it needs to be beaten down like an enemy.  Rather, its potential is undeveloped, so it needs to be cultivated like a garden... We are to be gardeners who take an active stance toward their charge.  They do not leave the land as it is.  They rearrange it in order to make it most fruitful, to draw the potentialities for growth and development out of the soil.  They dig up the ground and rearrange it with a goal in mind: to rearrange the raw material of the garden so that it produces food, flowers, and beauty.  And that is the pattern for all work... It is rearranging the raw material of God's creation in such a way that it helps the world in general, and people in particular, thrive and flourish."

This blessed me.  It was just what I needed to hear this week in the push, push, push, pull, pull, pull rhythm we've fallen into in my house.  I have this desire to tap into my former (perceived) Zen toddlerhood mommyness that seemed so much more joy-filled and patient.  This is how:

via

I am a gardener.  I am not a sculpter.  (GOD is a sculpter.  But I am not God, and that is a different analogy.)  I am not pushing around a piece of clay, reshaping it into what I want it to be...master of the finished product.  No, I am a gardener in God's garden with God's seed.  There are many elements out of my control.  If I TRY to control them, I will only frustrate myself.  My job as the gardener is to make sure my seedling is planted in good soil.  I can weed around her.  I can add more water if needed, or move her to a sunnier spot.  I can provide for her needs, but I can not make her grow.  I can not determine what kind of plant she is.  I can not control her.  My job is to help her "thrive and flourish."  I think I can attempt that.  And I'm pretty sure it won't be accomplished by pull, pull, pulling...

There is a song by Christy Nockels (2nd shoutout this year--thanks for the good music, Christy!) that was in Rhet's annual birthday video this year, and it was what was playing when I burst into tears at her party...

Sometimes it's hard to grow when everybody's watching
To have your heart pruned by the One who knows best
Although I'm bare and cold, I know my season's coming
And I will spring up in...in this faithfulness 

With my roots deep in you
I will grow the branch that bears the fruit
And though I'm small I still will be standing in the storm
Cause I am planted by the river
By your streams of living water
And I'll grow up strong and beautiful...all for your splendor, Lord

Nockel's song is taken from some favorite verses of mine--one in Psalm 1 that talks about a blessed person meditating on God's law being like a "tree that is planted by streams of water."  The other verse (below) is framed on our living room mantel.  After taking Rhet to Auburn for the last rolling of the Toomer's oaks a couple weeks ago (they were removed three days later due to being poisoned at the roots by an uncharacteristically mean rival fan), these verses have taken on new meaning.  What a sacred role I have, cultivating the soil of young roots...

They will be called oaks of righteousness,
A planting of the Lord
for the display of His splendor.
{Isaiah 61:3}

A Long Time Comin'

This blog was established in 2005, which means I constantly find myself thinking, "I have definitely used this as a blog title before, right?"

I have three annoying habits that make regular blog posting nearly impossible lately:

(1) I am a perfectionist.

(2) I have a writing block against any momentous occasion, large or small.
(3) I view blogging as "(creative) work" instead of "rest."

As a result, "I'll be right back" turns into "where ya been all my life?"  Blogging should be a creative release for me, but because I use it as a creative release, I have no obligation to it.  And when I have time to devote to it, I'd rather do something much more lazy passive relaxing.

But I'm not ready to throw in the blogging towel.  I like writing.  I like telling stories.  I like putting something down to remember later.

So, I'm going to do just that.
And I'm going to jump in from wherever I want to.

How 'bout a recent events photograph tour, to begin with?
(Just a little dip into the shallow end before taking a swim, right?)

This little cutie is getting bigger everyday.  I mean, it's crazy.  Ten inches in one year.  Anyone who is around kids a lot continues to mention, "Wow, she's a busy kid," which makes me feel 100% validated for every minute I'm chasing her around.



This happened in my kitchen over the summer, which has brought me immense productiveness.  Many of you might remember my tribute to Little Ray.  I will admit, I did get teary-eyed as they led my old friend out the back door.  New oven has yet to be named, but I'm sure there will be an ode to her ability to boil water in under 10 minutes in a future post one day.



Nick recently took a new job, and we found ourselves with some extra time to vacate, so we did just that.  First trip without the kiddo, and it. was. awesome.  With a year full of adoption transitions along with the normal busy-ness of life and the expected tight budget of a newly one-income family, we have been on about 4 dates in the past year.  MAYBE 5.  So, speaking of a long time comin, this vacation slash extended alone-time was just that.
The holidays are upon us.  I'm playing life catch-up.  More to come...

I'll be right back...

Just ran across May's post...MAY?  As in 2 months ago?  POST as in singular?  This is getting pathetic.  But I'm still here!  Here are the top 5 streamofconsciousness things occupying my life right now.  (After which, I will end this post, but I'll be back for more very soon!)

1. I started a new biz to help pay my SAHMomma grocery bill.  It is fun, busy, and consumes a lot of time--good thing I love eating, talking, typing, and reading FOOD!  Check it out over here

2. I am searching for all sources of kid-friendly water.  This includes but is not limited to: sprinkler parks, kiddie pools, water slides, backyard sprinklers, zoo geysers, botanical garden simulated rain showers, and two and a half glorious weeks of a (free) trial gym membership with three pools.

3. We celebrated Mommy-Rhet day on July 5th--ONE YEAR since I scooped up this little busy bee and took her to the guest home with me to love on forever!

4. I had a birthday on Monday.  Woohoo!  I don't mind getting older.  But my joints and back do.  ;)

5. In additional to sources of water fun, I've also spent a lot of time basking in the frozen glory of summer's best treats: Jerry's Sno Cones, YoLo gelato (hubs prefers the yogurt, but I can't switch back now that I've crossed over), Mama D's Italian Ice (we get ours at the Botanic Garden Farmers' Market), flavor ice pops from the Camp Highland counselor's only freezer, Rhet's "blue-top pops," also known as Target-brand "blast-off pops" (red, white, & blue), and Rhet's personal favorite...simple...no-frills...ICE CUBES.  As a direct result of all of this frosty deliciousness (and the repercussions of turning 32), my running hobby is about to kick into high-gear soon.  I hope.  :)

Don't go anywhere...I'll be right back...

"Mohwr, Mohwr, Mohwr"

The past week has been a bit traumatic around our house.  Last Thursday morning, a car pulled out right in front of me and totalled our car.  The airbags deployed, the car filling with airbag smoke, and here I was sitting in the driver's seat trying to process what just happened in the past 4 seconds as my 2-year-old flipped out in the back seat.  Ohsothankfully, Rhet and I were both ok--just a few bumps and bruises and some short-term hysterics.

In the middle of trying to figure out all of the icky little details that go down post-collision, Nick and I got to celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary.  Not so fortunately, I received a violent-but-quick stomach flu that had my husband exercising the extent of his true love for me that day with his care-taking.

(I started this post last week, so add one week to my previous timelines!)

We are finally getting back to normal--the bathroom has been cleaned, we're figuring out what we can purchase with the worth of a '98 Camry, and Rhet has stopped talking about the "boom" incident.

One thing Rhet has been talking about, however, has been both irritating the living daylights out of me and convicting my heart...

Rhet has a book called "More, More, More," which she has adored since her very first days with us in Ethiopia.  There are scenarios given with three different children--Little Guy's dad kisses his belly and he says "more, more more!', Little Pumpkin's grandmother kisses her toes and she says "more, more, more!", and finally, Little Bird's mama puts Little Bird to bed, kissing her eyelids as she says "mmm, mmm, mmm."  Sorry for the spoiler.  But it's sweet, right?

Rhet loves to say the last line of each scenario, pronouncing it, "mohwr, mohwr, mohwr!"

"More" was the first sign she was able to communicate with us in Ethiopia.  It was also the first sign she transferred into language when she able.  And lately, it is one of my hot buttons.

It doesn't matter what it is...whenever Rhet experiences something pleasant...a sweet moment, a delicious taste of something, a thrilling ride down a slide, a fun morning at the zoo, a butterfly sighting...before it is even over, she has this habit of saying, "mohwr, mohwr, mohwr, mohwr, mohwr..."  It's not a sweet request--it's more like a frantic whiny chant.  Instead of enjoying what just happened, she freaks out that it will never happen again.

How do you tell a two year-old to just take a deep breath and enjoy what is happening without worrying whether it will happen again?  Her feelings of entitlement to a repeat experience keep her from enjoying the first one!

Conviction time comes, however, when I realize that contentment is difficult for everyone...for me.  How often do I truly enjoy a moment without lamenting that it is almost over or that I'd love to experience it again?  How often do I enjoy what I HAVE without the thoughts about what I could do to make it better?  Particularly in motherhood, it seems that we wish away the mundane, irritating, repetitive moments with young children only to be wistfully standing on the other side wondering where the time went.  (We are discontent with the new stages because we miss the old stages that we spent rushing through to the new stages.  Sounds crazy but familiar, yes?)

I have no idea how to teach my child to enjoy a blessing for what it is except to model it myself.  Which is not always an easy feat!  What I do know from experience this month is that a normal drive to the children's museum may turn out quite differently...grand plans for a romantic evening may end up displaying love in the opposite way.

So this week as you step outside into lovely springtime and thick layers of pollen work their way into every pore in your being and launch a full-body attack, try to appreciate the blooming tulips and the mild breezes...literally and figuratively.

Happy Face Day!

A little over a year ago, we saw the face of this cutie-pie:

On January 13th of this year, we decided to start a new family tradition: Face Day. We will celebrate the day we saw a picture of our child(ren) for the first time, be it referral pictures or ultrasound pics.

Face Day was celebrated with face cupcakes (glazed donut cupcakes!)...

...and a special gift that will be "refreshed" each year on Face Day!

Each number also coordinates with past 12 months of pictures we have of sweet Rhet, starting with Face Day.

I'm such a sucker for traditions and celebrations. They don't have to be costly or extravagant to be special!

The First (American) Noel

An ode to firsts in pictures...

First Christmas season

First baby-sitters (for Daddy's office Christmas party)
(Thanks, Smeltzers!)

First snow
(She said it tasted like "Yum Brrr!")

First Christmas cooking with Mommy
(Matching aprons courtesy of Anthropologie & my mother's child version knockoff)

First Christmas sugar cookies

First Christmas Eve service

Cute picture. Not the first. :)

Like it's Nineteen-Ninety-Nine

It was (past) time for a change.  I apologize to all of you who were diehard fans of the vintage title.  "Your Mom's Blog" will be changing names, but the same ole' substance is sticking around so do not despair.  

And just to recap for my own dignity's sake: Your Mom's Blog was created circa 2005 when I simultaneously finished my Master's Degree AND learned from a family friend that my mother had been secretly blogging under an anonymous name.  I wanted to write about my new experiences in the "real world" while also feeling a bit competitively inspired by my mother to try out the new-fangled blog thing.  "Your mom..." was already an outdated phrase, I know, but now it's just prehistoric.  (The Artist Who Was Formerly Known As Prince but is now just Prince reminded me that partying is different than blogging.  And while I'm fairly extroverted and love a celebration, I'm not really a party girl anyways.  And 1999 was kind of over-hyped in my personal life history.  Sad, but true.)

I love the new blog name because it has about 1999 meanings to me.  So pick the one you love and keep reading.

----------

Life in the last three months has been:

An adventure

Full of change

Flexible

But structured

On a learning curve

Fun

Even super fun

But challenging

And exhausting

(But in a good way...like a ridiculous workout)

I am looking forward to writing about my favorite things about Ethiopia (and adoption) soon--I've been collecting a mental list.  In the meantime, I'm going to let you in on a little secret: I'm kind of a drama queen.  (HA.)  And I feel a bit of guilt over dramatically recounting the suffering and trauma regarding the huge life change we underwent over the last two+ years without giving you perspective that includes gratitude & grace.  I was muddling through it all and pouring my life out in words.  And now that I'm seeing redemption, I need to paint another layer on the picture.  

For now, I will share that after a lot of reflection, I think the hardest part of my tough trip to Ethiopia was the fact that I became a (first-time) mother of a toddler there.  (Duh.)  

In some ways (in most ways?), I think it would have been just as difficult & overwhelming anywhere with any age child.  The first few weeks of motherhood are pure bootcamp.  You are learning to do something that requires so much more of you than was ever required before.   

In other ways, to go to an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people without your own "things" and food and comforts and support systems...and sometimes without "necessities" like power and water...this made my bootcamp particularly challenging.

When we returned home to Memphis, I entered a honeymoon-like-stage in my time with Rhet.  Everything seemed so much EASIER.  I could go places.  In my car.  (And with Rhet in a safe carseat.)  I could cook meals for both of us to eat.  I could sleep in my own bed.  (Rhet could sleep in HER own bed!)  I could sit on my own fully-flushing toilet.  I could drink water from and brush my teeth under the tap.  I had my full supply of clothes, diapers, cups, plates, utensils, bibs...okay, you get the picture....  It was AMAZING and it balanced the tough parts of our transition home.

It was kind of awesome how the hard part would have been hard anyways, but I dealt with it in such a challenging way that the rest of the hard part seemed easy.  Did you catch that?  :)

The temperature was still at 100+ degrees, but I didn't care because I'd missed half the summer.  Rhet was terrified of our dogs and required us to hold her every second we were at home for several weeks straight, but at least it was OUR home with OUR stuff.  It took several weeks to get back to sleeping through the night, but at least those first nights with interrupted sleep were in our own bed with our baby monitor to watch and listen for Rhet.  

And there were the joys of the firsts.  First taste of ice cream.  (Blech, she hated it.)  First cupcake.  (Blech, she hated it.)  First fresh peach from the farmers' market.  (Blech, she hated it.)  Okay, well maybe it was more like the joys of the fourths & fifths.  Because there WAS a first time that she did like ice cream.  And cupcakes.  And peaches.  And watermelon--oh, her love for watermelon was insatiable.  To see her clap her hands for joy with her twinkling eyes glued to that slice of watermelon.  Well, it was just plain fun.  

 So much has morphed and changed that I am constantly reminding myself we've just been home three months.  There is a LOT that I'm still trying to get the hang of.  And it is physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually challenging.  But I mostly feel overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude for this sweet time in life.  There is a line in a JJ Heller song that I am experiencing and pray the same for you, friends:  "May you see redemption on this side of heaven..."

And Just Like That...

I apologize for keeping you in suspense.

Life is like that. It just takes over without even asking. One minute, you have grand plans for the Greatest Blog Post Ever. The next minute, you're on a 14-hour flight to go meet your daughter.

This would be her.

(The daughter.)

And just like that, you're looking into this beautiful little face.

You're introducing yourself as "Mommy."

(Weirdest introduction ever.)

You're letting her chew on your watch, you're feeding her lunch, you're holding her as she falls asleep in your arms.

Just like that.

We had a whirlwind, overwhelming, fantastic, life-changing trip to Ethiopia at the end of May. We spent 2 hours every morning with Rhet, visited museums and markets in the afternoons, and attended our court date on May 27th, when a judge looked us in the eyes and said, "She is yours."

Lucky us! (We are now the legal parents of a very precious little girl.)

Lucky you! (This now begins a lifetime of posted pictures.)

I can't wait to tell you all about my trip.

But as huge life events tend to do, I am quite overwhelmed with the hugeness of what has occurred and what is to come.

I'm traveling back to Ethiopia early, to spend time bonding with Rhet & soaking up some Ethiopian culture before our embassy appointment. Nick will join us for the appointment, which will result in issuing Rhet a visa to be a US citizen, and then we will all head back to Memphis together. The journey to bring Rhet home starts July 3rd, and we're hoping to come back as a family of three by the end of the month.

Until then, I'm taking deep breaths, enjoying my last days in my child-free marriage, and nesting like a mad-woman.

And eventually, I'm telling you about the trip that changed my life.

Until then, check out this little piece of joy: