a little and a lot

Tuesday, January 08, 2013

Next Year...

There are two things that really drive me bonkers.  (Not just two, but for the sake of this post, here are two):
1. Not completing a project I started
2. Not following through with something I say I'll do

So I pretty much drove myself bonkers during the holiday season.  I completely ran out of steam.  Not only did I only provide 2 days of our Advent activities and verses on the blog instead of all 12, but we didn't even do all of them in our own family.  I found myself feeling like a huge hypocrite for emphasizing the importance of a simple, meaningful Christmas and then spinning myself into my own holiday tizzy.  I kept hearing myself repeat the same sort of mantra about "next year."

In many ways, things have changed so much in my 2012, and I feel like I'm just now getting up to speed.

I am a huge New Year's resolutions girl, but I find myself stumbling into 2013 without anything on paper.  Oh sure, I have huge ideas for just about every area of life, but no specific goals.  I think it proves my restless mind and overwhelmed spirit...

I'm headed to the Created for Care retreat in a few weeks, and I'm getting excited about it.  I signed up on a whim, due to the rave reviews from a few of my friends.  It's a retreat designed to provide rest & encouragement for adoptive moms.  

I'm still exploring my identity when it comes to being an adoptive mother.  It's the way my husband and I chose to start our family, and we think it will be the way we continue to add to our family.  It was our first choice instead of a decision we reached after journeying through disappointment.  (I do not belittle choosing adoption through infertility at all--it just hasn't been a part of our journey so far.)  I think because I "stick out" already everywhere I go as having made a different choice for my family, I haven't really put myself out there in terms of full-blown adoption advocacy.  I'm not really sure if that's why, but it's the only reason I can come up with.  And I think that's okay for now.  I'm still finding my way in the world of motherhood, and our child is just now in her almost-3-yr-old way starting to explore her identity, too.  I don't want her to grow up thinking we adopted her because we love adoption...I want her to grow up knowing we adopted her because we wanted to love HER.  (Not that the two are mutually exclusive, but sometimes it feels like they can become that way?)

So, I'm looking forward to this retreat...to processing my feelings about this past year, to resting up with some good friends, to spending time figuring out who I want to be as a person and a mother and how adoption plays into both of those.

I have a feeling I'm subconsciously putting off any major thinking until that weekend.  :)  In the meantime, I'm planning on working out my blogging muscles in both trivial & meaningful subjects.  (And for ramblings on all things food, I'm on a roll over at Frugal Foodie this week!)


Adopting Rhet: Click on the timeline above to read more