a little and a lot

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Meter Man Misadventure

Bright and shiny.  Cold and crisp.  

I was thinking about the morning in word pairs as I let Moses out the side door into the backyard today.  (I can usually only think 2 words at a time after I just wake up!)

Cute and cuddly Moses.  He is completely heartworm free now, and I hesitantly put the tranquilizer pills up in their shelf when he got the all-clear.  Would he turn back into the crazy out-of-control puppy he was when he first came to our house back in the summer?  I was pleased to learn that the answer was no, we have all gotten to know each other a little better over these past 6 months.  Moses is calm and sleepy as he curls up on either couch for the majority of the day; He is playful when "Daddy" gets home from work and we all romp around in a space of 200 square feet with his stuffed soccer ball; He is obedient, sitting for his dinner until we say "Okay!" and running into his crate and waiting for me to shut the door when he hears me brushing my teeth (the sign that I am going out).

Moses received his name for a variety of reasons.  For one, Nick and I are big fans of Elton John's "Border Song," which is about how we all deserve to be treated humanely and to pursue peaceful living.  We believe this is true for dogs, as well.  :)  Moses was also a Bible character, who in early adulthood was a shepherd, and he was not a big fan of public speaking.  Our Moses is a German Shepherd-mix out of whom we did not hear even so much as a snort until he was with us for several months.  Even today he does not make much noise, aside from his snoring, which is mostly endearing.  

But even Moses the Bible character had his snapping point.  (He murdered a wrong-doer in his early days, lest we all forget.)  And our Moses has his more aggressive moments as well.  He is fiercely protective of his family.  He is now vocal once per day--he races to the front door, sticks his nose in the crack of the door, and lets out one low grooooowwwwwwlllll aaaaaand "RUFF!"  (The short bark is low, gruff, and sufficiently intimidating.)  What is the daily cause of this act of protection?  Why, the mail delivery of course!

Which leads us back to this morning's occurrence: Bright and shiny.  Cold and crisp.  Moses out.  Open door.  See man.  Fluorescent yellow.  Jump suit.  MLGW Man.  Meter Reader.  Gate open.  Oops.

I ran out the door in my sorry state of pajama existence.  "Moses!" I called to him.  Instead of running out the gate toward freedom, he ran toward the Meter Man with the realization that this Meter Man was standing on HIS SPOT, part of the perimeter of our property on which he "marks" every day to show his possession.  And this was THE SPOT.  THE SPOT he runs to as a default every morning and afternoon and evening.  And Meter Man was invading our property.  

Low growl.  Medium growl.  Intense loud growl.  Full out barking.  "Get out of here, you bad property invader who will destroy my Mom and Dad!" Moses was yelling.  Meter Man stood there, paralyzed.  He dropped his cell phone accidentally.  Moses jumped toward him.  (**NOTE** - I would like to state that NEVER, at ANY TIME, did Moses bear his teeth or make a move to bite or injure Meter Man.  His jumping was a mere tool of intimidation and non-violent aggression.)  Meter Man took something in his hand (looking like a short crow bar) and struck Moses on the head.  Moses backed away briefly, stunned.  All the time, I am standing near calling Moses' name.  Nick is standing near as well.  Moses comes around and circles us, then stands in front of us, shielding us from Meter Man.  Meter Man is still paralyzed.  The gate is OPEN man, go for it!  Instead, he takes a step forward toward Moses, Nick, and me.  Moses jumps toward him again, and again Meter Man strikes Moses on the head--twice this time.  Moses circles around to us, Nick grabs his collar and tells MM he's free to go check the meter.  Meter Man mumbles, "I'm finished" and finally gets the heck out of dodge.  The whole time, Moses is groooowwwwwling.  We quickly usher ourselves and our Maniac-Monster-Protector-Dog inside.  Moses runs to the window and growls until Meter Man is out of sight.  

Whew.  Sigh.  Gather breath.  

Nick and I collect ourselves.  Moses, high on adrenaline, continues to pace and make the round to all openings to the house, checking on their security.  

Within 10 minutes, all is normal.  Nick has left for work.  Moses is curled up watching the Today Show as I drink my coffee next to him.  Owens (a scared bystander of the whole scene) is continuing to hide back in the office/Man-room/dogroom.  

Questions I ask myself:
- Why didn't Meter Man quickly take two steps to the left and shut the gate while he had time?
- Why didn't I stay calm and tell Meter Man that Moses would not bite him?
- Why didn't I put a bra on before I let Moses outside?
- Why does my brain refuse to function before the combination of a cup of coffee + a time period greater than or equal to 60 minutes?
- Will Moses eat the faces off of my future babies?  (To any family members who might take that seriously, the answer is definitely NO.  No worries, ok?)

In the meantime...

Moses has a small cut on his forehead from where Meter Man struck him.  (You can see it in the picture to the left--it is the tiny "dent" in his fur on the left side of his forehead.)

Meter Man probably has pee-soaked pants for the rest of the morning.

And us?  Well, let's just say I will not be surprised if our MLGW bill is more expensive than its usual jaw-dropping amount this month...


Unknown said...

I would have been mad that somebody hit my dog. I understand that he was definitely scared, but why didn't he make a run for it instead of stepping forward toward Moses after the first swat?

Holly-- The Storm Chaser said...

What a funny story... except the part about poor Moses being beat in the head! Glad to see you guys are doing so well. I've enjoyed reading your blog. Take care!

lee said...

I'll take Moses on my side any day.

btw, isn't this the best word
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