a little and a lot

Monday, March 19, 2007

My Daily Grinding Attitude

So here I am at the office desk on a Monday afternoon. The daily grind. Life was blissfully unrealistic last week and I am thankful to have received the much-needed R&R from our beach trip.

But in this return to real-life, I have new resolve.

Maybe it was the reflection that the big one-year anniversary provided. Maybe it is the anticipation of spring and the way it makes me feel like I'm coming alive again. Maybe it is an internal spring cleaning of sorts. A belated New Year's spirit. But I have received perspective.

Our first year of marriage was not a garden party. We had many wonderful memories, but there were also growing pains. And glum circumstances at times. Looking back over the past year has made me partly ashamed of who I've been. I do not want to be the wife that pouts to get her way or flies from 0 to 60 with her temper because something was miscommunicated. I do not want to be the woman who has self-esteem issues over her body shape. I do not want to be the selfish person that I often felt like I was, either griping about going to work or not being appreciated enough or fixing dinner with a resentful spirit on a Sunday afternoon while my husband and dog cozied up to watch NFL. I don't want to compare myself to other women with different life circumstances, better or worse. I don't want to get into that cycle of being the way I am because it's the way I've been and there's no use changing because I am comfortable being that way even though I wish I wasn't. (I applaud you if you are still with me!)

What I mean to say is that my bad attitudes are merely habits. But it takes some effort to change a bad habit. Well, I am making that effort this week. I want God's Spirit to transform my mind. I want to make an effort to respond in my home or at the office with a positive attitude.

Instead of grumbling about my meager job that doesn't fulfill me, I will view it as an opportunity to be faithful in small things, to use my gifts and passions in unique ways when I find them, and to be thankful for the chance to provide for my family during this unique time.

Instead of resenting cooking and housework after I've already "worked at my job," I will focus on the fact that I actually LIKE cooking and use it as time to refresh myself, and I will clean my home a little every day so that I can practice serving and being humble.

Instead of being grumpy and pouty around my husband because I am tired from working and was hoping he'd whisk me away for a surprise spa visit (haha), I will remember that I am so blessed to be in love with such a strong and supportive man and I will find ways to show love to him.

I'm writing it all down here to remind myself: I want to change!
What about you? Do you need a change? Why don't you join me this week--the more the merrier!


khovater said...

I am very much with you, Jess. Thankful for reminding me that I need to work daily at looking more like Christ. Thank you for your boldness in sharing these things with us.

Unknown said...

This morning, on the way to work, the Holy Spirit gave me the verse, "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus."

I was horrified and humbled to realize how FAR from Jesus' likeness I am! The Holy Spirit has to do amazing work in us to result in small changes. I'm thankful that you have brought to our attention that our attitude in the details is actually the crux of who we are and how we handle things.

Larissa Smith said...

Jesse, I am actually in the midst of learning my lesson regarding expectations. I often set myself, my husband, my teammates, even my child (3 months old, what am I thinking?) up for failure by expecting too much. It's especially heartless of me when I fail to communicate those expectations, but still get bent out of shape when they are not met. The perfectionist in me MUST stop projecting those demands on everyone else. I also need to take major steps in the practice of discipline, in many areas of my life, and those are coming sloooooowly.

I applaud your honest self-assessment and determination to not stay the same just because it's comfortable. Thanks for the reminder. Rick Atchley said in a sermon on marriage that God's wedding gift to us is a full length mirror with a note that says, "This is what you really look like" (our spouse). So true, but so blessed.

Brooke said...

Glad the vacation worked. :) Good thoughts, I'm taking to heart as well.

Julie said...

i hear you. sigh. i hear you. sigh.

we need to talk..I will call soon!

ps-have you heard the gwen stefani song "Sweet Escape"? I told Charles I should dedicate that to him because it details exactly our relationship. Sad. But true.

Mommy of Boys said...

I appreciate you verbalizing what I need to change in my own life. You're great!

Kristy said...

Good thoughts that spoke to my heart.

kristen said...

Ya know what? This made my day. And as I prepare to be married, this is what I need to consider, not the shoes I'll wear or what "colors" I'm choosing (whatever that means.) Love you.

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