a little and a lot

Monday, March 28, 2011

"Round Here, She's Always on My Mind"

Counting Crows lyrics make the best subject lines, dontcha think?

So things are a little jumble-y around here lately. Here's the lastest, in true jumble-y fashion:

The world of Ethiopian adoption is extra crazywild right now. Thanks to any/all of you who signed the Joint Council petition. Nutshell update: A particular government agency responsible for writing a letter that allows families to pass court has reported that they are decreasing the number of letters they write per day from 50 to FIVE. There are currently about 1,000 cases "in process" right now, which includes everyone from time dossier was submitted to ET up until they pass court. Which means...that includes us. The rumors are that this could cause delays of roughly one year.

Joint Council's website has recently been my go-to for up-to-date information regarding all of this.

What does this mean for Rhet and our family?
We don't know.

That is tough. But it also just is what it is.
(Proven fact: HATING that phrase does not will it to be untrue.)
Please pray for all of us as we wait, wait, wait...

Our lead pastor (Bryan Loritts) at Fellowship Memphis has been BRINGING IT. (Ok, he always brings it. Just listen to him--you'll see.) Last week, Bryan talked about how following Jesus invites tension into your life. Something clicked for me. I understand that following Jesus and what He calls me to do requires sacrifice. But knowing that and experiencing that are two different things. And I'll tell you what happens when you experience that: tension...with yourself.

New-Almost-Momma-Jesse says to Christ-Follower-Jesse:
"WHAT THE HECK are you doing, girl? You have friends who have birthed TWO babies in the time it's takin' you to get to one!"

"This is UNFAIR. You are just trying to do what God wants you to do. Why should you suffer?"

"This was a bad decision, because this is hard."

Dare I say I felt comforted (and of course challenged) during Bryan's sermon, because he told us that if we are not experiencing tension in life, then we are not following Jesus closely enough. The tears flowed (well, of course, it doesn't take much these days) as we worshipped because I realized that dying to myself...hurts.

Just because something is difficult, doesn't mean it isn't right.
Taking up my cross these days means prolonged labor.
It means days, months, and years of waiting.
It means blocking off a season in expectation of preparing, traveling, snuggling, rocking, feeding, delighting...just to end up watching Netflix movies every night on the couch instead.
It means not knowing.

It means I'm doing all of this not just for an 11-month-old baby girl, but for the One who gave her life.

"Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it," Jesus promises. This is what it means to be "hidden in Christ." To know that your life is lost in Him. I have lost my motherhood in Christ. But to know that my motherhood will be found in Him--I can't think of a better gift to give our daughter.


L said...

Amen. And thank you. Needed that! Love you and am praying for you...and for your wait...

Larissa Smith said...

Oooh, girl. I am right there with you. I'm in a season of struggle and frustration, EVEN THOUGH I'm also in a season of discipline and focus. I've been arguing with God that if I'm trying to walk this closely in His path, it should be a little bit smoother, so what am I doing wrong? I've been comforted (as odd as it may sound) by Job's story. Good faith and hardship often do go together. I love the verse that says, "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him." Some days, I feel like he's slaying me, but I'll stick with it. Dying to self, acting when I don't want to, forgiving, suffering...sucks. I've also been drawn to 2 Corinthians 4. I've known that passage for years, but it hits closer to home now.

I'll be praying for you and ask that you pray for me, too. Growing in God is worth it, but I wish it were easier! Tension, check.

McKinney Madness said...

Awesome post, and once again very inspiring. My prayers are with you, and I hope you feel covered in His peace. I love you!

Adopting Rhet: Click on the timeline above to read more