a little and a lot

Thursday, March 03, 2011

Hug an Adoptive Momma

In these past few weeks, my changing era of life has gotten the better of me.

Nothing is certain. Everything is unknown. Some things will change, and some things won't--but who's to know the difference right now? I MUST be prepared--whatever THAT means!

These are things that are true of ALL parents, no matter how they get to parenthood.

{Right?? Feel free to gratuitously heap on reassurance and encouragement...}

These changes, these worries and wonderings, they affect my mind and heart. And I find myself, though un-pregnant, with "mommy brain." I promise that three separate times last week I looked for my phone in my house for at least 15 minutes only to find it already in my purse or pocket (once in my hand). I can no longer watch a television show or movie without crying at least once and most likely multiple times. (Um, I cried during "Modern Family" last night.) The smallest ordeals overwhelm me.

I know what isn't, but I know what is.
What isn't = preganancy-induced hormones
What is = new mommy stress

Don't think I'm all craving pickles and ice cream over here. But I have felt like a crazy person, and I am pretty sure it has a source...

I struggle. Because I am feeling it inwardly but not showing it on the outside. If I was pregnant and very close to my due date, I would get EVERYONE'S grace. "Oh honey, bless your heart." "Don't lift that, darling, just put your feet up." "Don't worry about that, dear--you have a lot going on." Now, I know pregnant women get their fare share of UN-grace-filled comments. But I've got a point, right? Nothing about me says "handle with care." It's hard to remind MYSELF!

"Now is the time to give yourself a little grace," friends have said.
However. This is more difficult than it sounds...

Take Monday, for example. Givin' myself grace = abstract idea that I was totally on board with. In the meantime, I make plans to take a meal to a family from church. Homemade Chicken Pot Pie (one of my faves). Never mind that my work shift has started and I finish at 6:30p. Never mind that I have an Adoptive Families Group at 6:30p. Never mind that I don't even have all of the ingredients to make CPP.

I finally come to realization that the CPP will not work. I flip plans...I'll make a homemade pizza. Nick brought a crust home a few days ago. I need pesto, but other than that, I'm good.

Nick calls from the store on the way home from work. No pesto. Okay, let's go with basil and I'll make some modifications. I frantically pull out the pizza crust, because (as usual) I am running behind schedule. The crust has completely hardened. No good. And now we're late for our Adoption Group...Tears, shame, more tears, snot, completely overwhelmed.

Why did I do that to myself???
I am beginning to realize that giving myself grace would have meant making the decision to pick up take-out on the way there in the first place. Sure, I could have made a rockin' Pot Pie, but now is not the time...

So, here is the new & improved Jesse Faris Grace Plan:

* I will not (cannot) neglect my time with the Lord every morning. This is my precious chance be filled daily by God's Spirit, which is air and bread and fuel.

* I will take the easiest route for now (simplify!), even if I know I could do it "better" during a different season of life.

* I will cry freely without shame. New moms and mommas-to-be cry all the time.

* Before taking on a project, I will ask myself: "How many small parts can I break this into?"

* I will do one thing every day that I truly enjoy. (Read with a cup of tea, go for a run, listen to good music with good headphones, bake something delicious.)

So, what am I missing?
Did you ever feel this way--what did you do?
If ever there was a time to comment, the time is now...!


Blessed said...


I just love this post. Your feelings are so normal and what every new mom feels. You do deserve to cut yourself some slack and take a break. :) Rest, go out with Nick, spend time with the Lord, and just prepare yourself for the most awesome wild ride ever. :)

I LOVE this line that you wrote:

I will take the easiest route for now (simplify!), even if I know I could do it "better" during a different season of life.

This is SO SO SO true. I feel like this should be the motto of every mom and especially new moms. I felt like I tried to do it all with Colt, but with the second one I am learning very quickly that I can't do it all. I think you are going to do awesome if you already "get it." I have learned that I can not be everything to everyone. I want to be closer to God, an awesome mom to my kiddos, and a great wife, so that is what I am going to focus on. My house used to be clean and decorated, my clothes ironed, home cooked meals for friends, birthday cards sent, etc. etc. I do miss those things, but you are so right. I could do those things in that season of life. I could do them well. Now, something always gets left out. I don't want it to be my faith or family, so I am having to relax and let go of some things.

You are going to be such an awesome mama! Love you!

Larissa Smith said...

Any big life changes causes new kinds of crazy as you figure out how it is going to affect you forever. I remember someone telling me one time that Jesus said he came to give us life more abundant. If life is a roller coaster, then a life of love and sacrifice and grace is an even bigger one!

Another tip: Sleep when you need to. Really. Nap. Early bedtime. Suck it up and do it. There is no substitute.

Unknown said...

Love you. :)

Anonymous said...

I don't know you and I don't know about your support system (other than the Lord, which is most important), BUT!!! Remember to talk. Find a friend/parent/in-law or someone to talk to that you trust and tell them what eats at you, what you are stressed about, etc. ALL our worries are silly, really, but we all have them. Mine would be silly to you. Yours, in retrospect, are silly to me. However, I once worried about diaper rash and even went to the doctor because I didn't know what it was when my first child had it. Silly? YES!! At the time, it was very serious to me. Anyway, talk to someone. Be yourself. Ask for help. People will support you if you will tell them. People have trouble when we have masks of success and knowledge on. You will be fine, but you will be out of your element. You are starting a new career!! I have much I could say, but in a word, TALK!!!! Talk to God, a friend, spouse, parent, etc. Enjoy these days. They will pass quickly!

Adopting Rhet: Click on the timeline above to read more