a little and a lot

Friday, November 17, 2006

The Bane of My Existance

The morning hours. Yes, I realize this is quite dramatic and petty. I could say something more meaningful like "disease," "violence," "Memphis traffic" (which is not as bad as big city traffic, but much more aggravating because there is no reason for it), or even something vague such as "evil." But I am sticking to my choice. If the definition of "bane" is (1) something that causes continual problems or misery or (2) a constant source of trouble or annoyance...well, mornings fit that category pretty perfectly for me.

My husband marvels at how the same girl who climbs wearily into bed at night and then unleashes a whirlwind of conversation for no known reason, gaining enthusiasm and awake-ness with each new word can be the same girl that refuses to open her eyes in the morning and snuggles deeper under the covers for refuge, grunting a ill-willed one-word comment to any question asked of her, such as, "Are you getting up soon?"

I wish it were different, but a phrase comes to mind that my mother spoke recently to me upon my discovery that the particular dress I wore in my wedding was recently marked down by roughly 75%:
"It is what it is."

So, at the request of my husband and also just for fun...

THINGS THAT COULD HAPPEN IN THE MORNING THAT WOULD HELP MY HATRED OF IT DIMINISH: (Just one of these would be fantastic, but I could work with all of them!)
  • I was awoken every morning with a tray placed beside me and a kiss on my forehead. On the tray would be: a cheerful gerber daisy, a blueberry donut (or two), and a soymilk gingerbread latte with only one shot of espresso in it (otherwise known by the creator, Starbucks employee Jenna Trappasso, as a "Gingercreme Latte").
  • My living room would be the Today show set, where I would plop down on the couch in my pj's with my coffee and watch Katie, Matt, Al, and Ann give the mornings headlines, the best feature stories, and the weather. In 15 minutes. And afterwards, Ann Curry would loan me the outfit she was wearing that day. Oh, AND they would let me taste test the yummy thing the famous-chef-I've-never-heard-of made that day. (PS: I realize Katie's name should be replaced with Meredith's, but this is MY morning, ok? I love you, Katie!)
  • My alarm would go off at 9:30 or 10am (depending on when I went to bed the previous evening) and then as soon as I laid in bed for 15-20 minutes, letting my mind mull over the events about to unfold during the day and whatever other daydreams I'd like to indulge in, I would press a button by my bed and time would rewind about 3 or 4 hours.
  • My calendar would tell my closet what I was doing that day, and as soon as I opened the door, it would hand me the Perfect Thing To Wear. (In a classic with a touch of trendy style, of course.)
  • My actual job that I got a paycheck for was "Doing Whatever I Want." (And I got paid handsomely for it!)
  • The Lord would just MAKE me a morning person while I was asleep one night so that I wouldn't have to feel so miserable in the mornings ever again.
I realize that this post probably makes me sound like a spoiled brat. But it's not like I'm actually receiving any of these things! I just wish for them. Every morning.


Kristy said...

sounds perfect to me! we have shared all too many of those "we should be tired and really go to sleep but its 4 hours later and we're still talking" nights... i feel you, girl!

Katie said...

Hilarious! I get such a kick out of reading your blog. I, too, suffer with morning distress. I absolutely hate them!

Unknown said...

I like the time-rewind idea. I frequently wish for that. Especially on those nights when I can't go to sleep and I lay awake in bed for hours, knowing the morning is going to be a hard one. When you figure out how to make it work, let me know.

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